I'm getting older. We all are. It's not a deep or earth-shattering thought, I know. When I was little I used to lie about my age--I wanted to skip to the future where my problems would be all sorted out and I would know exactly who I was. I knew that I would be happy. I hoped I would be in love.
I can say that I am happy. I definitely understand who I am, but it's helpful to have others around to keep me in check for those pieces of me that make me come across differently than I would like. I've always wanted to be a kind person. I make every effort to be positive and uplifting, and then I make one sassy comment and I feel like my sandcastle of kindness was flattened by my waves of sarcasm or cruelty. Some people are very nice all of the time. I admire them. Maybe they aren't nice all the time, though. Or if they are, maybe they wish they could grab onto that sassy wave and ride it across the shore.
Life has been very challenging this year. I am still hoping to fall in love for good. I am still trying to develop consistent and healthy habits. I am still working on my grown-up self, despite my youthful knowledge of grown-up-hood. And I am understanding each day that life is a process of choosing things. I hope that my grown-up self is making smart choices.
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